Your mother’s revelations are an offloading too far, says Mariella Frostrup. You will have to take the ‘adult’ position and bring it to an end
The dilemma My mother recently started going to therapy. I’m really happy for her. She has always been in a financially controlling relationship with my dad which, at times, has been emotionally abusive. She’s really enjoying therapy and having quite a few realisations about her marriage, and I think she’s finally seeing how badly she has been treated. But she is also burdening me with all the gory details. I really want her to seek help and feel empowered, but as her child I find it hard to see the reality of my parents’ relationship.
While I suppose I have always been on my mum’s side and encouraged her to seek more independence and tell my dad to sod off, it is tough to hear the details. It makes my feelings towards my father feel complicated: even loving him feels like a betrayal. I want my mum to be able to talk about these things with friends (she has plenty of them) and her therapist, but am I being a bad daughter and perhaps even a bad feminist if I don’t want to know all the details of my dad’s poor behaviour? Or am I being childish and should I accept this as part of being an adult – seeing your parents as the flawed people they are?
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